Have you ever had people in your life that were associated with the worst kind of crazy and toxicity? During your honeymoon phases with these people, did the craziness register as a solid flag? Or did you do the passive thing and try to take each person as they came, discounting the fact that their fucking family is so fucking batshit crazy, that you HOPE, with all the usable force you can muster, that character flaw will just leap over the one you were in love with? Yeah, that’s a long fucking sentence. It has a lot of shit packed into it.
People shouldn’t be judged, right? Is this a fair assessment, do you suppose? If you think for one minute that people ought not be judged, I will easily recant how many times pre-judging someone saved me a shitton of drama. Regardless of my insignificance, people cannot be trusted. I’ve learned this lesson so many times I almost want to eat a whole box of Tide Pods than be told to, ‘just give them a fair shake, don’t judge!’
There are two kinds of people. Ones that do and ones that don’t. Was that not the most genericized comment ever? There are three kinds of people. Ones that do, ones that don’t, and ones that do and don’t. WHAT THE FUCK? Who do you think you are fooling?
Any dipshit who categorizes people, in any way, shape, or form, is judging. Our biases kick in, it is natural. Pious people judge like a bunch of motherfucking asswipes. ‘Karens’ judge those who are judging the ‘’Karens.’ Are you recognizing a pattern? IT happens with and without your permission. Continue lying to yourself that you are a judgment free person, because I WILL, undoubtedly, find a time where you judged, though you may call it by some other moronic pass-phrase.
If a person raises a flag in your psyche, you have already judged them. You have placed them neatly in a box of your OWN personal definition. In the United States of America, we have numerous court systems. We have the Legislative branch of Government, we have the Justice Department, which then breaks down into; Federal, State or Commonwealth, County or Parish, and Municipal.
In America, we essentially have two main court systems. One is the Court of Law, the other is the Court of Public Opinion. Let’s traipse back to the 1994. O.J. Simpson, remember this guy? A famous football player turned Hollywood actor. Do you remember the verdict of this guy? He was found not guilty in a Court of Law. The Court of Public Opinion said something altogether different.
Now, let’s say O.J. Simpson wanted to rent one of your Airbnb’s. With what you know – that criminally, he was not convicted (except for some crimes later that landed him in prison), yet the public thought otherwise. Would you really accept his rental agreement? Granted, he hasn’t become a serial murderer, but you never actually know when you intersect with a serial murder until sometimes too late.
Now, let me correct some of the perception about the innocence of O.J. Simpson. At that time, most white people immediately went with — ‘Oh Yeah, he is totally guilty,’ whereas there was a schism amongst our black brothers and sisters. Some thought he was guilty, yet felt scorn for being a race traitors, and others thought he was innocent.
That was a trying time here in the U.S.A. The derision that came from that. A wealthy black man accused of killing a white woman and white man. We are a desensitized lot. There is upheaval in our justice system as of late, and rightly so. The crimes perpetrated upon poverty stricken people, and the blame game has been strong in our history. Holding people accountable for flawed judgment is now becoming the battle cry of actual Social Justice Warriors.
We live in sad times, where holding people accountable for shitty actions foisted upon those that didn’t deserve it. It makes this world such a nightmare to want to breathe one more fucking breath. Emmett Till. Trayvon Martin. Breonna Taylor. George Floyd. Travesties of justice. These are such an abysmally short list of people who never saw justice. The Court of Law cited that most of the ALLEGED criminals who perpetrated the crimes, were acting in accordance to the law at that time. (Still waiting for Derek Chauvin’s court case to see justice more than likely side-stepped, yet again)
Our Courts of Law render judgments. Our Courts of Public Opinion, generally propagated by the media, to take a snapshot of the population, also have given their verdict. The Courts of Law mete out a perception of justice. They make judgments based on the information they have in that moment, and how well a defense lawyer is compensated for representing a defendant. If the accused has been in the Court System before, with a litany of prior charges, chances are, there is a considerable amount of recidivism at play. Chances are the judgment may swing against this behavior.
Now that we have fleshed out all the different types of tribalism with the court systems, let’s get back to talking about me. It really seems that all social and economic systems fed deeply into our judgmentalism. Tribalism, as a simplistic concept speaks heavily to – if you are not with us, you are against us. It is binary. Then you start adding political elements, then spy craft, to bridge gaps. Again, the judgments are there. We, as humans, cannot possibly escape being judgmental.
Now, back to me, for real, this time. I’ve been with two partners, who had, at least, bare minimum, one batshit crazy as fuck parent. One who was unwilling to speak to a therapist. One whose parent wanted to be formally diagnosed as Manic Depressive, for an easy Social Security check. I had met these parental figures pretty early in each respective relationship. WHY DIDN’T THE FUCKING FLAGS go to full fucking mast?
I saw the delusions before me. I heard all the corroborating evidence before and after I met these repulsive people. Why didn’t I run? Why did I give them the benefit of the doubt? Why, why, WHY? I invested so much time in each relationship. I watched as these partners would berate their own children out of anger. WHY, why, WHY? The evidence was staring me in the fucking face. I plodded on. I made a horrible mistake with both partners.
It is commonly referenced that a young woman will, without fail, mirror their mother. How their mother is, will be how the woman will develop later – in looks and demeanor. It’s a stereotype based on universal recognition of a pattern. It seems so innocuous, but the truth was staring me in the face in both cases. I deluded myself in thinking these partners would stand up for me, while I watched them be spineless with their own families.
It is a sad day to be a homo Sapien when you cannot use proper judgment but allow the whitewashing of love to diminish and explain away poor behaviors. What is odd in both scenarios is that both partners were sandwiched between to two generations vying to rid me of the relationship. Children and mother, alike. In most cases, that is a horrendous application of mob mentality to force someone to decide. Tugging at heart-strings. Define who means more to you, but do not let it be HIM.
In one relationship, the mother contacted my other (ex) partner to dredge up dirt on me. The mental faculties of both parties were exacerbated by their shared hatred and other undiagnosed mental disorders. Both mates showed they had no backbone, or to put it another way, no dog in the fight. Their defenses had been weakened by the constant battering ram of the elder and younger generations.
Think about this for a moment. To rely on the counsel of developing brains is ignominious, right? As an adult, should you really seek sound advice from the mouths of babes? If you know your mother, the person who bore you, who passed on their genes to you, has diminished reasoning skills, are they the person you should yield to?
Look, I will be honest with you all. In one of these relationships, I made some piss poor decisions that affected people negatively. My maladaptive prowess shone through. I own my fuck-ups to such a professional degree, that I truly crafted apology letters to everyone in that family, for my contributions in the dissolution of each and every one of those relationships with them, individually. Even this partner’s children received a letter. Even the kid who was forced to write a letter for their selfishness that destroyed my chance at a relationship with my niece.
The latter relationship separation was so poorly crafted by the partner. It was equivalent to some mamsy-pamsy list of excuses. Again, the backbone did not make an entrance. But with this relationship, I DID NOT make the same mistakes I had made in the other relationship with someone who had some batshit crazy parents. You know it has to be legit when personal friends of the partner, who are like second parents, laugh when they ask me, “So, I heard you met so-and-so, what did you think?” Can you imagine me taking the high road? These people go to the same church as this mother. Guess again. I called it what it was, “She is batshit crazy!” I did not mince words.
If people who refrain from cussing, being associated with a church lifestyle, laugh at that sort of candor, that says something. I missed my goddamned chance to take into consideration the venenation of a deranged mother. I fucked up by digging my heels in. WHY, why, WHY? When will the sordid people who live on this planet realize being insincere is cause for pain in others? WHY won’t their heads burst. I’d even be satisfied if they were flames. YES, I said it, all the shitty people in this world, I hope your heads burst into flames for all of the havoc and pain you have disseminated in every one of your Venn Diagrams of friends and associates.
Under normal conditions, judging a book by their parents’ cover, could have saved me 11 years of triviality. But, no, the world says – do not judge. What a bunch of fucking hypocrites you are. You spineless fuckwads, do you hear the fucking words coming out of your mouth? Use your ‘special nomenclature’ to hide how judgmental you are. You are not fooling anyone except the daft. Those people thirsty for ANY kind of attention, who pine for someone to like them. They are lonely, and you use them up and spit them back out.
The nefarity that comes with this despicable type of person is worthy of placards of recognition. Honesty is bruised and beaten by your propensity to seem respected by man. It is all political turmoil. You are emissaries of death, you fail the test of being a real decent human. Do I judge people? Damn right I do. You know why? Even though I said it earlier, it is MY PARTICULAR brand of self-preservation. My defense mechanism. Do I judge you based on the color of your skin? Fuck no. Did you not pay attention to how my heart broke living in a racist household at a young age? If not, go check that article out HERE.
I don’t need to judge someone based on their sexual predilections, their religious persuasions, their lifestyle choices, or how much ear hair they have at the time I meet with them. I judge a person based on how they carry themselves. Do they speak honestly, or would they lie to me over something trivial? Do they seem ignorant? Do they offer something to me, reciprocally? Are they a good person to others, but a shitweasel to others? What are the distinguishing factors for that behavior? Are they manipulative? Do they think too highly of themselves? Are they compassionate?
Yes, all of the people decrying judging ought to be shamed out of existence. Live your life above reproach in all ways possible. I HAVE to judge people as they present themselves to me, to determine if they deserve any of my energy. I have a finite source of this shit. Let me rephrase that so you get it. I only have so much energy to expend on the general population, so you better fucking be as special as I am.
You know all those really CUTE examples of when you notice a dogs hackles standing up in the presence of someone they’ve never met before? Do you think that is without merit? Think again and get back to me. If you do not recognize that the dogs survival was just triggered, then you may be a buffoon. I am very well aware how much vitriol has gone into the writing of this blog article. I am unapologetic for it. I shall remain so. I am not attacking any single person, I am attacking the iconoclast of naysayers who are merely puppets of hypocrisy.
Each time I want to put this topic to pasture, with a final closing paragraph, I am further impassioned. I have stated a couple of times throughout my articles, there is NO EXCUSE for poor behavior. I stand by that. I also run another mantra in my life; never ask of someone something you, yourself, are unwilling to do. I have so many rubrics of life instilled in me by all the misery I have experienced at the hands of other humans. Yes, I have made my fair share of mistakes, shitty decisions, and errant judgments.
I have one perfect example of how I had to recalibrate when I had judged someone wrong. When I was in college, there was a guy in my class. His countenance stood out to me. I presumed he was an asshole. Somehow, we were introduced, and this person become a wonderful addition to my life, and me, his. I fucked that one up and almost lost a lifetime friend due to how my pre-judgment was rash. Again, I took him as an individual. I quickly learned I made a mistake. I vowed not to make that mistake again.
When I look at my past relationships, even though my therapist wants me to be a kinder and softer person, my wiring, thanks to humanity, has made me this pillar of doom and gloom. I will give an individual a chance. I will allow redemption, if it is warranted. I will make mistakes. I will always let a person ‘perform’ their greatest hits. If they jive with me, then it was meant to be. If they screw the pooch, then I guarantee they were not meant to stay in my life.
Do not allow people to tell you judging is wrong. Judging has its place. Reflect on the two court systems – Court of Law and Court of Public Opinion. One alleges that there is deliberation going on, and the other is more rash, publicly. Judging people as a population is morally and ethically wrong. Do not fall prey to anyone who intimates it is acceptable to judge a whole group of people for any list of reasons. Remember, if you take a person as they are, and your hackles raise, there HAS to be a reason. It has saved me so much time. Maybe I am merely an outlier. Maybe not. At least I don’t lie about it. Will you continue to?
As always, I welcome any constructive criticism, or complementary theories, analogies, anecdotes. I would love to hear if you find these edicts of challenge useful or utter horseshit. Similar to the 90’s when the catchphrase, ‘Be Kind, Rewind’ was hailed as marketing genius. I need to come up with one that invites you to either subscribe, via WordPress or via email, like posts, or even comment on posts. The immediate feedback is useful for anyone. Thank you very much for reading through all of this drivel. Be well, stay safe, AND stay sane!